Pwnt by Cat

As of today, I am a Real Writer.

No, nothing was reviewed, nothing was accepted, nothing was published by major or minor markets.

Today, I have a cat curling around my laptop, walking on my keys, and demanding pets–but not too many pets, lest she become angry and use her powers for pain.

After two and a half years of reading Livejournal, I have determined that any genuine author at some point attracts a feline familiar to harry and in no way help them, and that it is possible that the cat in question is the defining characteristic of the author. The better and more numerous and belligerent the cats, the more successful the author. It’s a strange alchemy, and I certainly didn’t invent it. But I see now the dogs were not enough–dogs are for dillettantes. Without the 90% pure evil that is Nola the Tabby of the Cleave-land Clan, I am clearly nothing but an amateur.

That’s right, bitch, says Nola. I own your ass. Now post pictures of me on the internets. But not on that fucking site, that’s not how I roll.

Nola does not belong to me, but I belong to her.

I have to say that, or she’ll hurt me.

And I am not allowed to mention that there is an adorable, extremely fuzzy grey kitten hiding from the snow in the garage, a kitten who loves me and does not cause me bodily injury, who we have christened Inanna due to witnessing her harrowing descent from a very tall tree in the backyard, which was better than anything in the damn Olympics. I am not allowed to mention that I love the little kitty who kisses my nose and would love to keep her, and am crushed that we cannot.

Whatever, I cut that whore. Leave her in the cold and give me Pounce. Pounce, I say!

So. Now that I have my familiar, I can proceed in the literary world.

Conveniently enough, the Maryland reading is this week (like that segue? I’m totally available, Daily Show) at 7 pm on Thursday, March 2nd, at the University of Maryland, College Park in Room 2309 in the Art and Sociology Building. It holds about 100, and there will be free food and drink, plus lots of friendly people. So come one, come all, bring your friends, bring your enemies! If I can find some way to record the reading and podcast it, I will certainly do so, but I’m not entirely sure I will be able to download that knowledge from the newsphere by Thursday. And if you have requests as to what I read, leave ’em here–I’m compiling the program shortly. I think it’ll be mostly poetry and short fiction–I haven’t decided whether to bust out The Orphan’s Tales yet. The reading itself is about 45 minutes, with the rest for Q & A and mingling.

Nola says I can go, but I have to bring her back a present.

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80 Responses to Pwnt by Cat

  1. Feline familiar. I like that. My cat has taken to my movie-watching quest wholeheartedly but still ignores me while I’m writing. He’s a little scaredy cat so I don’t think he likes how loud I type. 🙂

  2. arliss says:

    This all sounds so…familiar.

  3. Welcome to the wonderful world of the Feline Critics.}:P

    Nothing I create is allowed out of the studio without at least one perusal by one of the Boys.
    I’ve found that the more they love to sleep on something, the better it generally is.

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