Life is too much for me right now. We are gearing up for the big move, which I am not taking part in, but am making my own smaller move to Ohio for an extended stay. Sam is going to Greece for a rather longer stay. The house is at sixes and sevens. I am desperately trying to work. Mostly I just sit with my head in my hands in a very thick fog, trying to scry a good path out of it.

I went to Context, and it was good. I learned that a little Maureen McHugh makes everything better. I went to Saloncon, and it was also good, though I learned never to take one’s guest badge off, or people might think it’s ok to Ellison you. I watched the first season of Doctor Who and loved it, and want season two badly, since comfort TV is about all I’m up to lately. I am going to New York again in less than a week. I am going to Capclave after that. I have a major novel coming out in two weeks. I am exhausted beyond words. I want to start posting real content here again, and I will try. But my heart is pretty much strung out on the rack for the time being, so please bear with me.

And so I give you meme, ganked form

. I do wish my life were a movie at the moment–this is the part they always montage.

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool . . .

(Cut for soundtrack and commentary.)

Opening Credits
Rilo Kiley, “It’s a Hit”

(Funky beginning for a grrlpower writer movie. Should be set in New York, I’d imagine. Too bad it’s been on location in Virginia too long.)

Any idiot can play Greek for a day
and join a sorority or write a tragedy
and articulating all that pain
and maybe you’ll get paid.

But it’s a sin when success complains,
and your writers block-it don’t mean shit.
Just throw it against the wall and see what sticks.
Gotta write a hit
I think this is it….

How apropos.

Waking Up
Ani Difranco, “Reckoning”

(Jesus, only if it’s waking up on the day you kill yourself.)

Cause nothing is as it appears.
And the fun house mirrors of your fears
On a roller coaster of all these years with your hands above your head.
And win or lose, just that we chose this little war is what kills us.
And either or it’s that this war is, maybe also what thrills us…

First Day At School
Ben Harper, “I Shall Not Walk Alone”


Friends of mine
what can’t you spare?
I know sometimes
it’s cold in there…

Beauty that we
left behind
how shall we
tomorrow find?

Falling in Love
Eva Cassidy, “Autumn Leaves”

(And we continue with the oppressive sorrow. I guess that’s appropriate, but damn, cheer up or your box office will be through the floor.)

The falling leaves drift by the window
The autumn leaves of red and gold
I see your lips, the summer kisses
The sun-burned hands I used to hold

Since you went away the days grow long
And soon Ill hear old winters song
But I miss you most of all my darling
When autumn leaves start to fall…

Fight Song
Joni Mitchell, “The Last Time I Saw Richard”

(Well, I’ve used this song to illustrate the difference between myself and the people I seem to choose often enough.)

The last time I saw Richard was detroit in 68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe
You laugh, he said you think youre immune, go look at your eyes
They’re full of moon
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
All those pretty lies, pretty lies
When you gonna realise theyre only pretty lies
Only pretty lies, just pretty lies…

Breaking Up
Sufjan Stevens, “The Upper Penninsula”


I live in America
With a pair of Payless shoes
The upper penisula
And the television news
And I’ve seen my wife
At the K-Mart
In strange ideas
We live apart…

Anna Ahkmatova, music by Clark and Haimovitz, “Lemons Descending.”

(I’m not even going to try to translate the lyrics. All I can figure it that this is because my prom was hosted by people of a Russian persuasion.)

Life Is Good
Ben Folds, “Don’t Change Your Plans”

(Oddly, this was mislabelled “Xfire” in my player, which is a Folds song about being famous and awesome, so I’ll take both, thanks.)

All I really wanna say
Is youre the reason I wanna stay
I loved you before I met you
And I met you just in time
cause there was nothing left…

All I know is I’ve gotta be
Where my heart says I oughta be
It often makes no sense in fact,
I never understand these things I feel

Mental Breakdown
Death Cab for Cutie, “Soul Meets Body”

(Yes, one laments.)

I want to live where soul meets body
and let the sun wrap its arms around me
and bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
and feel, feel what it’s like to be new…

Hedwig and the Angry Inch, “The Origin of Love”

(Plato Drives a Beetle)

Last time I saw you
We had just split in two.
You were looking at me.
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar,
But I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face;
I had blood in my eyes.

But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine…

Damien Rice, “I Remember”

(Of course.)

I remember it well
There was wet in your hair
I was stood in stare
And time stopped moving…

Getting Back Together
Strong Bad, “It’s Like It Was Meant to Be”

(Seriously, I’m not kidding.)

David Bowie, “Golden Years”

(I would assume this is the reception.)

Dont let me hear you say lifes taking you nowhere, angel
Come get up my baby
Look at that sky, lifes begun
Nights are warm and the days are young
Come get up my baby

Paying the Dues
William Shatner, “Has Been”


What are you afraid of?
So am I
Has been implies failure
Not so
Has been is history
Has been was
Has been might again

The Night Before the War
The Decemberists, “Constantinople”

(Yes! Byronic! Die for Holy Land!)

Oh, the minarets of Constantinople
are plated gold, ivory and opal
their cupolas all onion-domed in light…

and far across the town, her lover’s lyring drowned
and painted by the Bosphorus in blue…

Final Battle
Gogol Bordello, “Start Wearing Purple”

(This only makes sense if the fascists have purple uniforms. In which case, it is chilling. Otherwise, not so much.)

Moment of Triumph
Ryan Adams, “Harder Now That It’s Over”

(Just ask Frodo.)

Honey, it’s over now
it’s harder now that’s it’s over,
harder now that it’s over,
now that the cuffs are off…

Death Scene
Simon and Garfunkel, “Scarborough Fair”

(Wow, this song is way heavier if you code it as death.)

Funeral Song
Calexico, “Roka”

(All queue hear for the emo funeral.)

Sleeping in the valley, valley of ill fortune
Waking cross the river, river of delusion
Full moon lures the waves, waves of desperation
Empty hearts and mouths wither away

Just close our eyes
Pretend we forget
North country dreams
Twist this dance of death

End Credits
Things We Never Said, Thea Gilmore

(God, what happened to the peppy grrflick?)

I dressed myself up in tin plate armour
But you got me in the end
Yeah you really sunk your teeth in
Spitting all that sweet pretence
But I’m pretty good at curtain calls
In fact I’ve been practising my swan song…

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